OK FINE WHATEVER.

I suck at goals.

I can't write blogs as much as I want. Darn it.

I feel like I'm pushing someone away, and I'm just trying to help. Argh, it's the worst feeling in the world. Especially since I care about this person SO much. They don't even know.

It seems like the people I admire the most are the ones I barely talk to. This is possibly because when I get around them I become shy. I tend to put people on stages, as if they are better than me or something. I don't know, it probably isn't healthy, but I do it.

So. Tomorrow. I get to debate in English.

It's so funny, because people were doing their debates, and I wanted to add something to every debate. The first debate was about abortion and they basically said

"Um. Abortion is bad."
"No, Abortion is good."

[End debate]

[This is possibly because Ms. Steele chose our debate topic and side for us.]

Since this debate was so . . . lacking. . . she let everyone talk about the subject. [I debated for both sides. Because I'm a freak. Yeah!]

I think it's slightly humorous how people think I'm smart because I say words like "egotistical" and bring up things like the Romeo and Juliet Act.

I miss my older, in-college-now friends. They were super sweet.

On the other side ofthe coin, I'm glad that a certain guy left. He was seriously. . .annoying and slightly frightening.

It's funny how at the beggining of the year, I only strongly disliked two people and both of them were older guys. Now I dislike a guy in my grade, a freshman girl and a freshman guy. Am I getting meaner, or are people getting stupider? Both?

It's amazing how comforting I can be to one person and how demeaning I can be to someone else.


Today I totally told my math teacher. Seriously. We had a test today and he graded mine before the end, so I got to see it. I recieved a high B [it was later changed to a solid A]. But one of the questions made me confused; I was so sure it was right. So I went up and challenged it. As I explained why my answer was right and talked about the rules we were dealing with, he said "Don't follow the rules!" which made me think "What-the-heck?" He 'showed' me a way to check my work. . . and low and behold. My answer was right. He corrected it wrong. What an idiot.

Don't follow the rules? What was he smoking?!


In other news, I hate romantic stereotypes. When it comes to this topic, I am a romantic realist. When I fall, I fall HARD. But I don't expect them to be perfect. In fact, if they were, I would probably not like them. I want someone real.

I hate stereotypical teenage crushes. I don't really get them, but it's super annoying when people I know get them, talk nonstop about someone for a week, then get with them for three days and break up because they like someone different now.

In a sad sick way, I wish I was this easy to please. I hate the whole liking-someone-who-doesn't-feel-the-same thing. It got old a long time ago. But I feel trapped.

I kind of wish they started acting like a moronic jerk so I can have my heart back. I kind of miss it.

But they would never do that. I wouldn't like somene who would do that. Argh, stupid catch 22s.

[ON TO SOMETHING TOTALLY RANDOM.]

Today my clarinet wasn't working during marching band and I'm seriously worried. I have a challenge [pretty much a who-is-better type deal] on Friday, two days away. I don't want to suck! Argh. I hope it was a one time thing, but I have a bad feeling it wasn't. Oh crap.

Eeek. It's late and I haven't been getting enough sleep. I better go.

<3 Esther