You know, I didn't talk to anyone today. Not one single person. And I realized that being lonely is probably one of the most depressing emotions ever.

[Well, I guess technically, I talked to my mom. But does she count?]

My dad and little brother went to a camp this week. They left on Monday. It was actually very random and last minute for my dad. He was dropping David off, and it turns out that one of the adults got sick and they needed someone. So, of course, my dad is the one to go. He came back home for like, a second, and woke me up to say he was going to camp and could he borrow my camera? Sure, sure.

Yeah, so it's basically just been me and my mom since Monday. I went bowling with her, since my dad and mom are in this casual bowling league. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it already, but whatever. Anyway, he is in the league too. Yeaaahh. I hate being all fake and secretive and not using his name - it makes me feel like I'm making a big deal out of nothing. No, I'm not in middle school. Ew. [As a random tangent, it's weird to think that I'm actually an upperclassman. Not that it would be any different, I suppose. It's also weird and well, quite annoying when people make big deals out of stuff like this. Like, after the last day of school, my dad was talking about how I graduated, and I'm like, "No, I didn't!" Passing sophomore year isn't exactly hard to do, you know. [Getting a 3.83 is slightly difficult, and I'm glad I pulled it off. I had a scare with band of all classes, but it's all good now. I feel like I totally already wrote about this, but whatever. Honestly, I'm typing as fast as I can for no reason and everything I'm saying is extremely stream of consciousness...which I hate doing on command but for some reason am doing right now. Go figure. Yeah, that was a long tangent.] Anyway. He's in the bowling league too. My mom just mentioned it and I guess he liked bowling enough to consider it. It's him, his little brother and his friend on their own team. They aren't like, pros, but nobody on the league is - everyone is just doing it for fun. Yeah, But I had to sub for dad. I pretty much hate bowling simply because I'm so bad at it. I got a 49 on my first game. No, I'm not joking. And yes, I'm pathetic. But by the third game I got a 102, so I guess I kind of redeemed myself. So, sucking at bowling in front of the guy I like wasn't exactly the highlight of my week. Or wait. Was it? Considering how utterly boring today was, it actually might have been.

Yesterday wasn't bad. I hung out with Phillip, Colette and Kevin. Yeah. What is it with boys and grabbing girls' stomachs? I mean, sheesh, why are all my male friends so immature. [It's not really a question, just an observation with the word "why".] But it was fun, even though at the end it kind of died.

I'm not looking forward to junior year. Since my band director is leaving, I'm once again unsure if I'm going to be in Wind Ensemble or FIRE Crew. [Wait a sec. I'm done with the stream of consciousness thing - it's pretty tiring. Ok, I'm taking a break. ...Ok. I'm back.] So basically, a month ago I decided that if I wasn't in the top half of the clarinets in Wind Ensemble, I would quit so I could do FIRE Crew [which is basically tutoring during half of lunch. The only reason I want to do it is because it's like, 70 hours of community service, and really simple to get.] Anyway. I turned out to be sixth chair out of nine - which isn't bad, by the way. People always tell me that I'm good and stuff, but I know that I'm not really. It actually sucks a lot to be so overrated, I'm not joking. I'm not good with compliments that I don't deserve. But yeah, even though I wasn't in the top half, I flaked on my promise to myself and decided that since I didn't really want to do FIRE Crew anyway, and since I could do community service somewhere where...oh, I don't know...it actually helped people, I was going to go with Wind Ensemble. I was pretty secure with this decision. Until I found out about a week ago that my band director is leaving the school and teaching somewhere else. Whattheheck?! And now I'm starting to wonder if maybe I should just take a break on concert style bands and just do Marching Band next year and do FIRE Crew and help freshmen succeed and all that jazz. Because I'm worried that the new director is going to be crap compared to Mr. Hoffman. I mean, I have a lot of friends who are going to be in Wind Ensemble next year...but that shouldn't be the reason I join. The main reason I wanted to be in Wind Ensemble wasn't to say "Hey, look at me, I'm awesome enough to get into the highest band. Bow down before me, losers." It was because I wanted to be influenced by the people sitting in front of me, and because I wanted to be challenged, and because I wanted to learn and get better, and because I wanted to go to New York. I guess I could still do the first thing, but the other three and dependant on the director. What if the new one gives us easy music? I won't be challenged at all, I won't learn, and will stay the same. Gahh. That would be a complete waste of time. As for the trip to New York, what if the new director decides it isn't important enough? What if we do go, but we haven't learned anything and just end up looking like idiots? I hate what ifs, but seriously. [I need to stop worrying. I do it a lot, believe me. I guess it's a nasty habit.] So yeah. I'm starting to think I should go with the FIRE Crew thing, because that's an open opportunity and I know what I'm getting. And honestly, I already applied for it, and got in like, half a year ago. It would probably be rude to say, "Oh wait...yeah I don't want to do it now." I wanted to do FIRE Crew for selfish reasons, but if I actually change to help freshmen, I could do a lot. More than one teacher recommended me for it, because I'm smart and I know what I'm doing. I remember when I went to the meetings for FIRE Crew, I looked at some of the people there and was kind of surprised. Some of them were nice people, but not the best in classes. Others, well...did drugs and crap. [Of course, you didn't hear it from me, and the teachers obviously don't know about it. So whatever.] So I felt pretty secure in that group, because I can honestly say I deserve those community service hours more than a few of them.

Part of me doesn't want to give up on Wind Ensemble, but part of me is pleading for security and wanted to go with FIRE Crew. So...I don't know.

Anyway. In less stressful, and more fluffy news. He just sent me a message saying that I'm definitely going to Magic Mountain with him [and a group of friends] on Tuesday. You know I can't wait. Ha. Ha. Ha. I laugh at myself and my emotions. What a girl.

Yeah, I'm done.