Ok. This blog is dead, so I'm going to post something from my other blog in here, so I can delete it there. Ok? Ok.

Originally written Jan 15, 2008:


Hmmm, now that I think about it, I’m not even sure.
There is so much going on. This is obvious when it comes to school. Freaking finals. Though, I think I’ve definitely grown complacent, and that worries me. I mean…yeah, I don’t even know.
It seems like I don’t even have half-thoughts anymore, more like flashes and flickering blurs as they run past my conscious. I can’t hold a conversation anymore. And it makes me feel…lesser, but I’m sure I’ll get over it. Sometimes it’s hard to actually talk to people about anything, because I want every conversation to be worthy of words, but I think I freak people out because I’m too serious. And no, I’m not even thinking about a specific instance with specific people: this is all very general. I guess this is why I love my friends: they help me loosen up and laugh.
And then there’s social issues, which have been amazing and worrisome, depending on who we are talking about. My weekend was a huge combination of both school and social stress, and therefore, it wasn’t wonderful.
Sometimes I understand people more than they understand themselves. Sometimes I think I understand people and I’m completely wrong. Sometimes people are enigmas.
I never thought I could impact someone so much. I never thought I could hurt someone so much. Yes, I’m a jerk and I like to make fun of my friends. It’s what I do: I have a dark sense of humor. I have an acid tongue. And I would think that the most I could hurt someone would be through carelessly wielding this weapon. But I was so wrong.
When it comes down to it, I hurt someone by genuinely caring about them.
I’m bewildered, actually. I’m not a heartbreaker. I don’t play those stupid mind games. And I’m frustrated, because I want him to be happy. I’m not worth it.
Obviously, I’ve dwelled too much on this. I’ve come to a conclusion: I’m genuinely sorry that I hurt someone that I still care about. I was never one to throw a friendship away because of difficulty. But. I’m not sorry that I’m happy with what I have. In fact, I’m enthralled. I’m not going to feel guilty, because I did what I thought was right. He’ll get better.
Enough about that. Freaking psychology. I hate you. I always do this to myself: I can’t actually be productive until it’s too late.
So, lots of random news stories and blogs that I read have been talking about how amazing sleep is for memory and all that. Well, I would like to take your word for it, but how the hell am I supposed to remember something that I haven’t studied? Why do you think I’m spending my nights working: because I have to get it done. The phrase “time management” is not in my vocabulary. And seriously, sleep is overrated. I mean, duh. That, and eating. Yeah.
I’m just going to stop while I’m behind.